had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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