I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
