but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
