I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
