Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
