dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
