god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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