when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
