wrigley field is MILF paradise
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
