I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
