there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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