In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
