she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
