I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
