The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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