Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize