New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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