There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
