just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
