I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
we should paint friendship bongs
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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