i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
