It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize