i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
