How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
