sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
