So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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