remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize