About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
