I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
