Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
