we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
