I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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