is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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