Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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