New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
