Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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