SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize