I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
