My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
