I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
