OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
