do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
