I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
