If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
