At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
