I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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