Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
