She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
