Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
