1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
