I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
