She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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