I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just puked most of my soul out..
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
