I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
