There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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