Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
