I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
