Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
