ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
