I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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