I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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