Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
