I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
