I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
