just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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