She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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